Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
