2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
