I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
