he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
