I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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