Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
