Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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