your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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