Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize