take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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