i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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