all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
