i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
