She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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