So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
