what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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