i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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