He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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