for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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