If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
