So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
