the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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