At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
