ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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