We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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