I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
