is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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