I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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