You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize