And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
