I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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