we made out on top of his cat.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
