Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
