I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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