he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
