Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
