so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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