He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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