I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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