break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
