i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
