You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
