I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
