You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
