Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so let's talk penis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
