today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
