im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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