He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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