it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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