I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have fence marks all over my body
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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