In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
