you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
