obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize