Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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