Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
