thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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