her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
