it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
