just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
