Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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