Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
