I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
