when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
