He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
