In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
