you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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